


Purely Unprofessional

by TheUselessPaperClip



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Criminal Minds Setting, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, More Hotch Content 2020 (Criminal Minds), Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Psychological Torture, Psychological Trauma, Smut, Torture, Trauma, Verbal Abuse, Violence, literally anything in a criminal minds episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:15:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUselessPaperClip/pseuds/TheUselessPaperClip
Summary: Agent Gray(reader) has been at the BAU for roughly a year. Despite being the youngest girl on the team, she finds herself developing feelings for her boss, Aaron Hotchner. Although, he seems to feel the exact opposite, being cold and distant. When an undercover mission goes South, everything changes.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Original Character(s), Aaron Hotchner/Original Female Character(s), Aaron Hotchner/You
Kudos: 22





	1. Unexpected Happenings

_I couldn’t help but squirm in my seat as I read over the case file. Despite being in the BAU for a little over a year, this was my first case with women, especially ones that were being beaten. It dug up that familiar sting in my chest, the knot in my stomach. With every photo of every bruise on these women, I could feel the anxiety building within me. I felt the guilt, the pain rising in me. I didn’t even need a coroner’s report to know what those bruises were from._

_He wasn’t just smacking them around, he was punching them as hard as he could. He was angry, very angry. With each picture, I saw I swore that I could feel each strike. These poor girls…_

_Everything gradually came back to me. All of those times I was in the hospital or skipping work because I had 'fallen down the stairs', or 'tripped over a table' a few too many times. All the times the landlord would bring up a noise complaint from all of the yelling. It built up pressure in my chest._

_I took a deep breath, knowing I needed to remain calm and just keep my focus on the case._

I kept my head down, the music loudly playing from my headphones as I flipped through the case file. I hadn't even noticed my hands were slightly trembling. The rest of the team was busy talking with Garcia to get more details on the case. I never sat with them, preferring to read over the file by myself and let them fill me in on the unmentioned details when we arrived at the police station. We had been called up to Lansing, Michigan. 

Multiple prostitutes had been found in alleyways where they had been beaten and strangled. By now there were already several bodies, the only connection between any of them was their line of work. The local police were having no luck, as they weren’t exactly skilled at speaking with the women without scaring them off due to being, well, police. 

I almost leapt out of my seat when I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I did everything in my power to hide it. Reaching up, I removed my headphones and tilted my head back only to see Hotch standing beside me. After he had my attention, he lowered his hand from my shoulder. 

Hotch had always been very distant from me as if he didn't trust me. Due to the way he lacked smiles, and how cold he was all the time, it didn't seem like something out of the ordinary. However, after my first two months at the BAU, I began to notice he was much more open and fluid around the rest of the team. He tilted his head, breaking eye contact half a second after it was made. "We're landing in five minutes." His voice was cold as if I had done something wrong, almost like when he was interrogating one of our suspects. 

Hotch paced past me, heading back over toward the group. It felt odd. He'd never come up to me. Usually, I'd know the jet had landed when everyone suddenly began standing up, or if I already had my headphones off. I set my headphones down onto the table in front of me, closing the folder and setting it down as well. Emily shifted in her seat, glancing back at me with a curious expression on her face. I could only assume it was because she had noticed the cold look Hotch had when he passed her. Emily stared at me for a few seconds, eventually turning around to continue talking to Derek. Judging by their now lowered tones, I could tell it was something about me or Hotch. 

It wasn’t too long before the jet landed, and we had set off to the police station. Spencer, Derek, JJ, and Rossi took one SUV, while Emily, Hotch, and I took the other. As expected, I ended up in the back seat while Emily sat in the front passenger, Aaron driving. The ride over was quiet, apart from Emily talking with Garcia over the phone to get the rest of the case details. 

When we arrived at the station, Hotch was out of the vehicle rather quickly. It was fast enough that even Emily had noticed. Before I could get out of the SUV, Emily turned her head, looking back at me. 

“Hey- Is everything alright?” 

I undid my seatbelt, “I- Yeah- Yeah, everything is fine. Why?”

“You’re just a little quiet I guess. Hotch too.” 

“Well... Yeah. I noticed.” 

I left before she could say anything else. 

It felt odd to discuss this with her. I’d always been a loner, not having very many friends or much of a social life. Growing up, my parents weren’t very involved. They gave me food, a place to sleep, and provided pretty well. When it came to socializing, talking with me, they were never there. I ended up staying indoors quite often, just focusing on my studies, my future, always pre-planning the next step of my life. Talking with others about how I felt just never seemed to be my type of thing. 

Just after I got out of the SUV, Emily followed. We headed into the station, JJ, Rossi, Spencer, and Derek began to walk alongside us as we went in. As usual, Derek held the door open for us, making the usual flirtatious comment to Emily and JJ. I noticed he was about to say one to me as well, but he simply smiled. 

I ignored it, just keeping my head down as we made our way into the back room. They had already set it up with everything JJ had asked them to bring beforehand. 

“We found another body this morning, wish you guys had got here sooner.” The sheriff removed his hat, hanging it up on a hook beside the door to his office. 

“Derek, you and Reid go to the crime scene,” Hotch barked out orders, as usual, “Rossi, Emily, go see the M.E. and get a look at the bodies.” 

It felt odd to see him keep me around. Hotch almost always sent me off to go do some other task, rather than staying there with him and JJ. 

“I- Uh- Hotch?” He turned his head toward me. He didn’t say anything, just having that look on his face that he was waiting for me to speak. 

“What do you want me to do?” 

“Put together the bulletin board with JJ. Help her go through the files, get everything organized before everyone gets back.” 

JJ didn’t say anything. She was used to Hotch dumping me off on someone else and giving me a simple task. I’d rarely ever been in the field, and when I did, I ended up staying in the back, away from all of the danger and action. Derek had even made a few jokes about how I hadn't taken down my first unsub yet, constantly referring to me as the baby of the team to the point that Emily and JJ joined in. Even Garcia started referring to me as "babydoll." 

We headed into the back room while Hotch followed the Sheriff into another room, discussing other case details and such with him. 

✦

At least a day went by with no luck and another body. 

They had given out a profile and eventually found some witnesses. The people had said that they saw some of the victims leave with a woman, but the M.E. said the fist-like bruises were too large to be that of a female. This brought us to the conclusion that we were dealing with a male in his late twenties to early thirties. He drove a large vehicle, but not one large enough to be noticed, so something like an SUV rather than a van. Due to the first victim being a woman from a suburban area, then switching over to prostitutes, we could only assume that he had some form of connection to the first victim. He was rejected or hurt in some way, killed her, and when the hurt didn't go away he began killing, again and again, to try and get rid of his pain. The unsub would head to the usual area’s prostitutes would wait around, find a girl, and drive off with her. Once he had gotten hold of a girl, he would take her out to an alleyway where he beat and strangled her to death. 

While I was sitting at the table, looking over the photos and M.E. report from the most recent girl, I lifted my hand to my neck. I rested my hand just on the neckline of my sweater, drawing in a sharp breath. JJ was too occupied talking to Will on the phone about Henry to notice. All of those times I had a hand around my throat just like those girls almost brought me to tears. But- I couldn't. JJ was right there. The team would be back any minute. I needed to keep my composure. Just as I turned to the next page, I heard the door to the office open. 

The rest of the team had arrived, just as I expected. I quickly closed the folded, dropping it down onto the table. Everyone took a seat except for Hotch and Reid. Aaron waited for JJ to finish up with her phone call, while Reid just began looking over the bulletin board. 

"You guys have any luck?" Emily leaned back in her chair, resting her elbow on the table. 

"No… We just mapped out the geography, wrote down his type. The only thing any of these girls have in common is that they're all about twenty to twenty-five and prostitutes." 

I noticed out of the corner of my eye that JJ had gotten off of the phone, and was now speaking to Hotch. However, they were speaking in low tones, almost whispering. I brushed it off, just looking back at Emily. 

Rossi huffed, "The only thing we got on this guy is he's white and has brown hair, drives an SUV." 

Hotch turned away from JJ, looking toward the group. "We're going to have to go undercover. He's escalating, and if we're right he's going to pick up another girl by tonight, so we need to act fast." 

JJ paced over to me, setting her hand on my shoulder. "Come on." 

I tilted my head back to meet her eyes, "Hm? Where?" 

"Hotch needs you to be the one to go undercover." 

I could feel the color drain from my face. They wanted me to be the one undercover? I hadn't even been here for a year, and I had no experience going undercover. Emily and Derek seemed rather shocked as well. 

"Are you sure? I can do it-" 

"No. It needs to be Gray." Hotch interrupted Emily. He had his hands on the table as he leaned against it, glancing at each person. 

"She fits the age group, and she's the closest thing we have to his type. JJ, take her and get her dressed, prep her. Prentiss, brief her on what to say. You've been undercover more often so you're better to teach her." 

I hesitantly stood from my chair, following JJ into a back room in the police station. She spent about half an hour putting some decent makeup on me, getting my hair fixed, and getting me into the right clothing. It ended up being one of the skimpiest outfits I'd ever worn. A sequin halter top that dipped down the middle, almost reaching my belly button, followed up with a black miniskirt that split on my thighs and some black heels. The heels were tall, and difficult to walk in, but I did my best to make it work. Emily took at least fifteen or so minutes explaining how I should act, what I should say. It was relatively easy. Honestly, she didn't need to tell me. After all of my years with my ex, I knew how to act around a man in a rage. When I had followed the both of them back into the office, all eyes fell on me. Rossi gave the cliché whistle, having that sarcastic look on his face. Reid grew red in the face instantly, quickly looking away. With Derek, he gave his first-ever flirtatious comment toward me. 

"Damn! Look at you mama, gettin' all dressed up. You're about to run these streets." 

Both Emily and I couldn't help but giggle. Despite Derek's comment, I couldn't help but notice Hotch staring dead at me. His expression was blank, but his eyes had a strong look in them that I couldn't quite identify. 

JJ kept her hand on my shoulder, making sure I didn't trip in the heels. 

"According to the witnesses, he picks a girl up at 11 pm like clockwork, and almost always next to that old building on the corner," Rossi stood from the table as he spoke, Derek standing as well, "We need to drop her off at least one block away. If he's in the area he'll be suspicious of a girl getting dropped off like that in his hunting grounds." 

I nodded, "So I have to walk an entire block in these things? I can barely stand in them," I gestured down to my heels, giving off a quiet laugh. Almost everyone laughed, except Hotch. He kept his eyes fixed on me, still having that look in his eyes. Just as everyone stopped laughing, Hotch did his usual round of orders. 

"Rossi, Morgan, take a plainclothes vehicle and wait down the street where she's still in view. JJ, Prentiss, you two get dressed as well and stay close by," Hotch removed his suit jacket, laying it on the table, "Reid, you're with me. We're going to wait in cover, be ready to follow. She's going to be in his vehicle so we'll likely have a chase." 

Everyone filed out of the room, heading out to get ready. Just as Hotch got to the door, I reached out, grabbing his arm. Aaron shifted on his heel, glancing back at me. 

"What is it?" After everyone was gone, his voice was much calmer now. 

"I still need to get the wire and earpiece…" I glanced over, seeing that everyone had already left, and Reid was in the back room. Hotch stared at me as if he couldn't process what I just said to him. He drew in a breath, stepping back as he closed the door to the office. 

"Take off your coat." He began closing the blinds to the windows, no longer looking at me, or in my direction. 

I stood beside the table, shrugging off the black leather jacket and setting it down on the table. Hotch grabbed a wire and an earpiece out of a bag, shifting to stand beside me. The heat rose in my face as it turned a faint shade of red. We both just stood there, staring at each other. 

“Well?” Hotch lifted his head to meet my eyes once again, waiting for me to move. 

I flinched, finally realizing that he still needed to put the wire on me. 

“Oh! I- Yeah, sorry.” I turned to the side, lifting my arm up so I could pull the fabric to the side. “JJ said this is the best spot, baggy fabric would hide it. 

Hotch cleared his throat, becoming flustered as he saw my bare skin all the way down to my hip. The top wasn’t good for much other than being a glorified bra. I took a deep breath, holding the fabric out of his way. Hotch reluctantly reached forward, starting to tape the wire and microphone against my skin. When his rough hands grazed over the sensitive skin on my side, I drew in a sharp breath, flinching. He tilted his head back, meeting my eyes. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah-” I let go of the top, the fabric falling over his hands, “I’m fine. Just- Just get that put on so we can do this.” 

Hotch nodded, pushing the fabric to the side himself, tucking the wire and such into the cloth. We both remained in an agonizingly long silence. He eventually got it hooked up, pulling the shirt back into place. 

“It fits. Get your coat back on so we can go.” 

I turned, grabbing my coat off of the table. When I pulled it up to put it back on, my heel got caught on a cord that was laid over the floor. I yelped, stumbling back. My fall was stopped as I felt an arm wrap around my back. Before I knew it, Hotch had his arm pulled around my waist, breaking my fall. He stumbled as well, but he had stopped himself but leaning forward and pressing his hand against the table to break his fall. I gasped, holding my breath as his face was just inches from mine. I tightly gripped his shoulders, staring straight into his eyes only to see that he was staring right back. 

Neither of us moved, just holding out breaths, not daring to break eye contact. His body was warm, almost hot against mine. My heart was pounding in my chest, so loudly I swore he could hear it as well. I felt his arm tighten around my back, pulling me further against him. It wasn’t by much, but I could feel every bit of it. 

The tension was broken as we heard the handle to the door click, beginning to turn. I’d never seen Hotch move faster as he shifted, turning away and stepping back. 

Reid entered the room, “Hotch I’m ready to-” 

He paused, staring at the both of us. Hotch was pulling on his vest by now, but I was just standing there, partially leaned back against the table, looking as if the air had been sucked right out of me. 

“Are you okay?” Spencer eyed me for a moment, concerned. 

I nodded to him, “Yeah- Yeah I uh… I’m fine.” 

He stared at me, then shifting his eyes over to Hotch. I did my best to regain my composure, grabbing my jacket as I pulled it back on, being careful not to trip over the cord again. Hotch then made his way out of the room. 

“Let’s head out. Reid-” He turned to face him, pausing before he stepped out the door, “Get her to the car. Make sure she doesn’t fall.” 

“Why would she-” 

“Just do it.” Hotch barked, causing Reid to flinch. Spencer looked back at me, not questioning it as he guided me out to the SUV, his arm hooked in mine to make sure I didn’t trip in the heels. 

✦

The local police got some regular vehicles for the rest of the team, so they could be around the area without standing out. Prentiss and JJ were there as well, but they stayed on the opposite side of the street. They wanted to be close by, knowing how difficult a first mission would be. 

Before long, we spotted a dark blue SUV slowly cruising down the street. It stopped a few times, but it eventually got to me. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. As the car stopped at the curb, I remembered everything Emily had told me. Taking a few steps forward, I plastered a smirk over my face, leaning against the opened window. 

"Are you looking for some company?" 

The man looked unruly, he was sweating, his disheveled hair hanging in his face. 

"Get in." He barked. 

I held back a flinch, not expecting him to shout. He reached over and unlocked the door, to which I pulled it open and sat in the passenger seat. 

I heard Rossi in my earpiece, "You just need to get him to give you the money, then we can move in." 

The man was quick to pull away, driving for at least two minutes until we finally stopped on an empty street, behind some old buildings. I took a deep breath, keeping my eye on him, but doing my best to stay calm. 

"You got anything you-" I tried to have small talk, only to be cut off when he swung his arm, his fist coming into contact with my cheek. I yelped, raising my hands defensively. I could hear a commotion in my earpiece, which I only assumed was the team coming for me. He landed another hit, whipping his head around as he spotted the flashing lights and sirens out the back window. He peeled off in the car, speeding down the street. In the side mirror, I could see one of the SUV's, and one of the regular vehicles chasing after us. My head was spinning, and I could feel the blood running down my face from my nose. 

"Gray? Gray, can you hear me?" I heard Hotch over the earpiece, "Can you hear me? Say something if you're there." I could hear the strain in his voice. I'd heard it before when he had asked the same questions when one of us wasn't responding, but this time he sounded afraid, almost like he was in pain. 

"Stop-" I pleaded, "Just- Just let me go-" I gasped, I could feel my body shaking. 

He swung his hand again, striking me in the center of my chest, winding me, "Shut the hell up!" The man shouted. 

As he turned a corner, a bus swerved which had barely missed us. It just barely crashed into the wall of a building, not having any extensive damage other than blocking the road. Continuing down the road, I didn't see their vehicles follow. Shit… he lost them. Before I could do anything else, he swerved the car, turning it down an alleyway. He went down a decent bit, parking halfway behind a dumpster. 

By now my heart was racing, and I could barely breathe. As soon as he stopped, I opened the door to the car, jumping out. I wasted no time to start sprinting, heading down the alleyway. He began shouting at me, yelling at me to come back. I ignored him, slowing down for a moment to kick off the heels so I could run faster. I didn’t get much farther than that, stumbling after I had stepped in some broken glass. Despite the pain, I pushed myself to keep going, limping down the alleyway. As soon as I turned my head to look back at him, he was right there, right behind me. The man struck me in the back of the head, shoving me down onto the ground. He didn’t hesitate to start kicking me, pain searing through my ribs and legs. I groaned, screaming each time he slammed his foot into me. 

I cried out, trying to crawl away. I didn’t get very far before he grabbed my ankle, yanking me back. He climbed over me, wrapping his hands tightly around my throat. I gasped, digging my nails into his hands and wrists. Kicking my legs, I did my best to get away, but it was to no avail. 

He grabbed my hair, pulling me over to the side so we wouldn’t be as visible from the end of the alleyway. The man threw me down onto my back, inciting a cry from me as my head hit the pavement. He kneeled, his knees on each side of me as he wrapped his hands around my throat, squeezing so tightly I couldn't even scream or cry. I squirmed and jerked around, desperately kicking my legs. 

He looked me right in my eyes, not letting up on me whatsoever. I dug my nails into him, dragging them across his face as I did everything in my power to get him off of me. It was useless, he didn't move an inch. 

_Is this the end of the line for me?_

I felt my eyes burning, my vision blurring. Everything was going dark. 

Just when I felt myself slipping, I heard a gunshot ring out. The man screamed, jumping off of me as he stumbled, falling onto his back. I weakly turned my head, seeing Hotch walk past me, his gun trained up. He made sure the man was down, before he immediately kneeled beside me, holstering his gun as he held my head in his hands. I heard Derek speaking in the background but I couldn't make out what he was saying. Hotch shouted at me. I couldn't hear the words, but by the way that his mouth was moving, I could tell he was saying my name. This was the first time he had ever said my first name, apart from when he had first met me. 

"Hey! I need you to stay with me. Stay awake. EMS is on their way." 

His voice rang in my ears as I gasped, desperately trying to get any air I could. My throat stung, my face burned, everything was sore. Aaron lightly shook me, his voice cracking as he shouted once more. 

"Hey! Stay awake! You- You need to stay awake!" 

I gasped for air, finally drawing in the large breath I needed. The reality of everything hit me like a truck. I continued gasping like a fish out of water, lifting my hands as I grabbed onto Hotch. Tears welled up in my eyes, pouring down my face as I began sobbing, my entire body still shaking in fear. Hotch stared at me for a moment, an odd look in his eyes, as if he was trying to figure something out. As soon as he heard me beginning to cry, he shifted his hands from my head, pulling me up into a tight embrace, my head against his chest. Before long, I heard sirens, a man running up to us. He was an EMT. I felt the man carefully grab at my arm, trying to get a look at me. For a second, I could have sworn that Hotch hesitated to let me go. 

✦

Walking out of the hospital, the team walked right alongside me toward the SUVs. A few of them cracked some jokes, trying to lighten the mood, while others remained quiet. Although, Hotch was completely silent. Sure, he was quiet almost all the time, but this time he wasn't saying a word. Everyone else had already gotten out of their gear, but Hotch was still wearing his vest. When we got to the SUV, I reached for the back door, knowing I'd likely get told to sit in the back as usual. However, I felt a firm hand around my wrist. 

Hotch had gripped my wrist, pulling me around the SUV. I stumbled, trying to keep up with his long legs. He pulled open the door to the front passenger seat, finally letting go of my arm. 

"Get in." He ordered. 

By now everyone else had piled into the other SUVs. Hotch got into the driver seat, starting it up as I climbed in. I shut the door, pulling on my seatbelt. When he pulled out of the parking lot, I realized nobody else had gotten into the car with us. It was just Hotch. 

_Only_ Hotch. 

I slumped in my seat, folding my hands in my lap as I stared out the windshield. My head was searing with pain, my eyes still watering. Hotch stayed silent, tightly gripping the steering wheel as he followed the other SUV back to the airstrip. I wanted to speak, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything. It made me too anxious. Despite how Hotch treated me, I couldn't help but get attracted to him. For the first two months, he was nice to me, he treated me like everyone else. However, he gradually started to push me away, avoiding me. I'd sometimes catch him staring at me from across the room, but he looked away the second I spotted him. 

When we finally got on the jet, we weren't in the air any more than ten minutes before Hotch came over to my seat. I was in the seat beside the window, leaning back against it with a blanket wrapped around me. My body was still trembling, the fear still in me. After Hotch had sat down, I flinched, and to my surprise, he flinched as well. 

"I-" He paused, carefully easing into his seat, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." 

I stared at him for a moment, not responding to him. Hotch eyed me, resting his hands in his lap. The backs of the seats were facing the others, so they couldn't see anything, only knowing that we were sitting together. 

"I'm sorry." 

I glanced back at him, "You already said-" 

"Not for that." He interrupted me. 

"Then what is it?" 

"Sending you out there. You weren't ready. It-" He looked away from me, balling his hands into fists, "It was my idea. You shouldn't have been in the field like that yet, and you still need your training for-" 

"Hotch- Hotch, stop it." 

He silenced himself, looking back to stare at me. 

"It's not your fault. Reid wouldn't shut up about the dangers of prostitution before I left…" I chuckled, wincing as my throat strained. 

"Don't speak," He shifted, placing his hand over mine, on top of the blanket. I stared at him, staying quiet. He met my eyes, not saying a word. I wanted to speak again, wanting to break the horrible silence, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Hotch didn't look away, keeping his eyes fixated on mine. 

"When we get back, take the week off, two if you need. Don't come back until you feel better." 

I tensed as I felt Hotch squeeze my hand. He'd rarely been kind to me, nonetheless holding my hand. Just when I felt him move his hand away, I squeezed his hand in return. Hotch's entire body tensed up, seeming that he didn't expect me to do it as well. He stopped pulling his hand away, slipping his fingers between mine. The both of us stayed that way, looking down as Hotch flipped through the next case file, and I leaned my head back into the seat so I could rest. For once, _SSA Aaron Hotchner_ , one of the most emotionless men I’d ever seen, had a smile on his face. 

Unbeknownst to either of us, Derek had snuck up behind our seats, peeking over to see what was going on. In absolute silence, he snapped a picture, hurrying back over to his seat. The only hint we had of what just happened was the quiet giggling we heard from where they were seated. 

✦

When I was finally falling asleep, Aaron let go of my hand, moving it back underneath the blanket. He closed the file, getting up from his seat and making his way back over to the back end of the jet. When he noticed all eyes were on him, he sat in his seat, returning the glares. 

“What?” 

“Nothing- Just-” Prentiss folded her hands in her lap, raising her eyebrows, “You two looked pretty cozy over there.” 

Everyone got a snarky grin on their face. Hotch didn’t reciprocate. 

“She almost died. I sent her out there.” Hotch slumped back in his seat, huffing, “We should’ve-” 

“Aaron, stop it.” Rossi interrupted him, “You couldn’t have known. We knew he was violent, and we knew what risks we were taking. She understands. I mean, what are the odds that a bus would turn the corner like that?” 

Reid poked his head up, “Actually the odds are-” 

Derek smacked the back of his head, “Not the time.” 

“Look,” Rossi continued, “We couldn’t have known that he’d escape. Just be happy that she’s still alive, and this guy isn’t on the streets anymore.”

Afterward, everyone went on to sleep, read, or just talk to each other. Hotch went on as he usually would, looking over files and such. He still couldn’t help but glance over at me, unable to avoid that guilty feeling. Not one of them had any idea of the real pain I was in, the suffering I was constantly enduring, hiding it all behind some façade that I was just quiet and timid.


	2. Guilty Conscience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Hotch comes by to see how Agent Gray is doing. When things take an unexpected turn, Hotch gives her the cold shoulder, and Rossi gives her some friendly advice.   
> Warnings/Tags: Any Warnings For A Criminal Minds Episode(Descriptions Of Violence/Crimes/Death/Blood/etc.) - Fluff - Angst - Mentions Trauma/Abuse   
> Author’s Note: In this chapter, Gray has some bad memories/feelings that come up from her past. Not much is said, but figured I’d let you guys know.

By the time the jet had landed, I was still asleep, exhausted from yesterday's events. 

I squirmed in my seat, stirring awake as I heard footsteps and chatter. Just as my eyes peeled open, I saw Derek’s back as he went out of the door. I pushed myself up, wincing as I felt the stinging pain in my ribs, leaning forward against the table. I felt a hand on my shoulder, another underneath my arm as if to support me. 

Turning my head, I saw Hotch. He was keeping his hands on me, being sure I didn’t fall. 

“Don’t strain yourself,” He muttered, “Let me help you.” 

Reaching over, I set my hand onto Hotch’s wrist, leaning into him. Overnight, the bruises and pain had set in, a sore, burning ache filling my body. It was clear that Hotch noticed, considering how careful he was as he walked me out of the jet. When I pulled the door open, I felt my feet come off of the ground. Hotch had lifted me off of my feet, one hand on my back and the other underneath my knees.

He carefully set me down in the passenger seat, clipping my seatbelt. 

“Hotch- Hotch you don’t have to-” 

“I thought I told you not to speak.”

I immediately silenced myself, not expecting him to snap at me. He tilted his head, giving me that ice-cold stare he always had. Despite the cold expression, I could see that odd look in his eyes from yesterday. Hotch stepped back, closing the door as he went around to climb into the car. Once again, it was Hotch with me in an SUV, alone. 

When he began driving off, I leaned back into the seat, remaining quiet as I knew he didn’t want me talking. 

After we had gotten a few minutes down the road, I thought of something that would be quite funny, and would perhaps lighten up Hotch’s mood. I pulled my phone from my bag, sifting around in it for a moment. Typing in a few words, I hit the speaker button, the robotic voice on my phone speaking for me. 

**“-How’s this, Hotch?-”**

He turned his head toward me for a moment, eyeing the phone. Once again, I saw that rare Hotchner smile. 

“That’s just fine. Clever.” Hotch chuckled for a moment, before immediately going back to his stern and silent state. 

I typed into the phone again,  **“-Why did you pick me up? I can still walk.-”**

Hotch kept his eyes on the road, not looking over at me this time. 

“I didn’t want you to fall. You’re already in enough pain.” 

_ Oh, if only he knew.  _

The guilt in his voice was evident. It didn’t take much experience in profiling to see that he felt responsible for what had happened the night before. Although, I didn’t want to upset him by pressing the matter, so I left it alone. 

×××××

Rather than going back to the office, Hotch insisted on taking me straight home. I was reluctant to tell him where I lived, as it wasn’t a good area whatsoever, and the apartment itself wasn’t very nice. It was a one bed one bath, but I was grateful that it at least had privacy. When he pulled up into the parking lot, I could see the concern on his face. He lived in DC much longer than me, so he was well aware of how bad of an area this was. 

Despite the concerned look, Hotch didn’t say a word about it. He reached over, pulling my go-bag from my lap, then climbing out of the car. I opened the door, making sure to get out before he had the chance to come and sweep me off of my feet again. 

“I can carry my bag-” 

“Quiet.” He snapped at me once again. 

I lowered my head, closing the door to the SUV. I made my way over to the front door, pulling it open as Hotch followed along. When I tried to go for the stairs, I felt a hand wrap around my arm, pulling me over to the elevator. 

“No stairs. Not with your foot.” 

The wound wasn’t nearly as bad as he made it out to be. I stepped on some broken glass and got some scrapes, not shattered the bones. I didn’t complain, it was nice to take the elevator for once rather than hiking up the stairs, especially in this condition. As the elevator went up, it creaked quite a bit as it was exceedingly old and not getting maintenance very often. Hotch clearly grew uncomfortable as he heard the creaking, his grip on the strap of the bag tightening. When the elevator finally came to a stop, I could see the relief wash over Hotch. By now, I was used to the elevator, so I wasn’t as anxious when it creaked or the lights flickered. 

Hotch stepped out of the doors, waiting for me to come out. I followed him out, then walking in front of him to guide him to my apartment. He glanced around the hallway, once again getting that look of concern as he saw the old wallpaper, hearing the baby crying in another apartment. 

“I uh… I know it’s not the best area, but it’s all I could find.” 

Hotch didn’t get upset with me for speaking this time, just walking behind me as we then arrived at my door. I dug my keys out of my pocket, unlocking the door, and walking inside. Flicking on the lights revealed that despite the building looking horrendous, I had fixed the apartment up quite nicely. It was cleaned top to bottom, with decent furniture, and embarrassingly, a lot of clutter. I had dozens of books lying around, papers, pens. The look of surprise on Hotch’s face was actually relieving to me. I had always thought my apartment was something to be ashamed of, but seeing the hint of warmth on his face disregarded the feeling. 

“I- I um… Thank you, Hotch-” I turned to face him, “-for taking me home.” 

He snapped at me once again, “Stop calling me Hotch. We’re not at work, you can call me Aaron.” I could've sworn he had a hint of a smirk on his face.

"Well- Aaron," I smiled, "Thank you for taking me home." 

I reached up, gripping his shirt collar to carefully pull him down. As soon as he got close enough, I placed a small kiss on his cheek. Hotch flinched, and I could feel the heat in his face. When I stepped back, he didn't move, just standing there with his head hung low, a faint shade of red washing over his face. 

"Drive safe, Hotch." I grinned, reaching down to grab my bag from his hand. He took a step back, having a shocked look on his face. Giving him a small wave, I closed my door. 

I pressed my forehead against the door, taking a deep breath. It took at least thirty seconds before I heard Hotch finally walking away from the door. I couldn't help but wonder why he stood there so long, but I wasn't complaining. After almost an entire year, he was finally being kind to me. He wasn't being cold or dismissive as always. 

When I got done grabbing all of my clothes and such, I made my way to the bathroom. After getting my ass handed to me, I desperately needed a shower. I undressed, dropping my clothes into the laundry basket. Spotting myself in the mirror, I froze, eyeing the bruises that covered my torso, neck, and face. It frightened me to see the black and blue covering my skin, my swollen cheek, the shape of hands around my neck. I knew those marks all too well. I drew in a sharp breath, turning away from the mirror quickly. Turning on the shower, I made quick work of it, letting the water run over myself, doing everything I could to relax. The warm water felt wonderful against the bruises. Despite ice being the go-to, the warmth was still comforting. 

×××××

About a week later, the bruises were beginning to heal. They were still quite dark, but certainly not as bad as they were. 

In the middle of my shower, I heard a knock at the front door. 

"Just a minute!" I called out. 

Quickly rinsing the rest of the soap out of my hair, I wrapped myself in a towel, heading out of the bathroom. I paced across the hardwood floor, unlocking the door and cracking it open. When I peeked out, I was quite surprised to see Hotch. He always called, he'd never actually shown up. 

"Oh- Hotch!" I stepped back, opening the door to let him in, "Didn't expect you to come over." 

Since I was mostly behind the door, he hadn't quite noticed I was in a towel just yet. He stepped inside, glancing around the room. I shut and locked the door, turning around to face him. 

"Sorry- You caught me in the middle of a shower, and- what are you doing here? It’s late.” 

Hotch had finally turned around, flinching as soon as he saw me. He tensed up, eyeing me from head to toe. Neither of us moved, staring at each other. I just watched while his eyes scanned every bit of me in silence, watching as he once again became flustered, red in his face. When he finally noticed that he was staring, he cleared his throat, lifting his head to meet my eyes. 

"I- I'm sorry-" He turned his head away, staring off toward the wall, "-you should probably go get dressed." 

"Oh! Yeah- I- Help yourself to some coffee or water." I stammered, quickly rushing over to my bedroom. 

I hurriedly pulled on some shorts and a hoodie, tossing the towel down onto the bed. Stepping out of my room, I didn't see Hotch by the door. I walked further, turning my head to see him in the living room, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped. I made my way over, taking a seat right beside him. He turned his head, glancing at me. 

"You're feeling alright?" 

I nodded, "Yeah… I'm sorry for answering the door like that." 

My voice was still quite raspy, the bruises on my neck taking longer than expected to heal. I could tell Hotch was uncomfortable with looking at them. Rossi had told me how guilty he felt when he called in to check on me. 

"You still shouldn't be talking," He reached over, placing his hand on my knee, "your bruising needs to heal." 

I tensed as he touched my leg, tilting my head to meet his eyes. 

"I know, but I'm not going to use the phone again." I let out a short laugh. 

"You still-" 

"Hotch," I cut him off, "stop. I'm fine, really. I do want to ask, why'd you come over? You usually just call. Even Garcia hasn't come over." 

Hotch lowered his head, squeezing my leg for a moment. He took a deep breath, running his other hand through his hair. Leaning back, Hotch looked back to meet my eyes. 

"I'm sorry. I- I shouldn't have sent you out there alone. We have him too many openings and-" 

"No- No, Hotch." 

I reached up, placing my hand on his shoulder. 

"Aaron, please, stop bringing that up. It's not your fault. You shot him, you brought me to the hospital, you helped me sleep on the jet. Hell, you're here right now. You've done enough for me." 

"I want to do more than  _ enough. _ " He snapped, his brow furrowing. I leaned back a bit, not expecting him to raise his voice. Hotch stared directly into my eyes, not seeing to move. 

"Aaron- I- I really don't know what you-"

He interrupted me, leaning forward as he pressed his lips to mine. I flinched, taking a few moments to comprehend what had just happened. Eventually, I leaned in, returning the kiss just as eagerly. Hotch did the same, one of his hands on the side of my head with his fingers in my hair, the other reaching for my waist. Leaning forward, he pressed my back against the couch, his arm wrapping itself around my backside. His fingers laced through my hair, now holding the back of my head. Aaron Hotchner himself kissing me out of the blue was something I couldn’t even begin to fathom. 

When he squeezed his arm tighter around me, I let out a yelp, flinching as he was pushing into one of the bruises on my ribs. Aaron flinched as well, immediately letting go of me, leaning back. 

“Did I hurt you?” His voice had gone back to the stern, cold tone it always was. However, I could still hear the worry that was hinted in his voice, and in his eyes. 

“I- No- No, you didn’t hurt me. Just hit one of my bruises…” 

Hotch drew in a sharp breath, reaching out and squeezing my hand for a moment. 

“You should probably get some rest.” He cleared his throat, pushing himself up off of the couch. Hotch adjusted his jacket, making his way to the door. 

“Aaron, wait-” I stood, attempting to follow him. 

“I’ll see you next week.” He spat the words out, hastily pulling the door open, closing it behind himself.

_ What the hell just happened?  _

I pushed the hair out of my face, taking a deep breath as I locked my door. I made my way to the living room to grab the ice pack, carting it to the kitchen to put it back in the freezer. My body was tense, my heart thumping in my chest as I then began pacing in my kitchen, my arms crossed as I paced. I froze in place as the reality of the situation hit me like a truck. 

_ Why did he kiss me?  _

_ Did I do something wrong?  _

_ Is that why he left?  _

It wasn’t long before I found myself shaking, hugging my arms around myself. My past was coming through to me, beating down the walls I had built up to defend myself from the pain, the self-loathing, the sadness, everything. I stumbled back against my cabinets, sliding down until I was sitting on the cold tile floor of the kitchen. Lifting my hands, I held my head, letting out a few whimpers that eventually developed into sobs. All of the times I had been belittled, shouted at, beaten, and threatened were all rushing back to me. 

×××××

I spent the next couple of nights reminiscing on the pains of my not-so-distant past. I already wasn’t sleeping very well, doing everything in my power to block out the memories that the incident with the unsub had brought on. With Hotch leaving me at my own doorstep, I couldn’t help become overwhelmingly self-conscious. I was stuck wondering what I had done wrong. Although, the only good thing I seemed to find within all of it, was a heartwarming feeling. I wasn’t able to recognize it before, since it had been so long since I had felt it. I’m in love with Aaron Hotchner.

With the bruises mostly faded, only being faint spots of brown and yellow, I was cleared to return to work. I didn’t feel like showing up with a blazer and heels, so I pulled on some black dress pants, a white button-up shirt, and some black flats.

When I showed up at the office, I was immediately greeted by Derek. He made his way over to me, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me up off of the ground, spinning me around in a playful hug.

“Welcome back mama- We missed you.” He chuckled, to which Emily joined in on the hug.

They finally let me go, only for JJ to hug me as well. “It’s good to see you again. So the doctor cleared you already?”

“Yeah… Doc said I was lucky to have not broken any bones, considering how much he kicked me.” I grinned, giving an anxious laugh. My voice was still quite raspy from what had happened, but it was certainly much better than when I had first gotten home. Just about everyone was there, minus Hotch and Garcia. I expected that Hotch was in his office, and Garcia was at her computer.

“Just don’t let Garcia see you. She’ll probably break your ribs trying to hug you.” Prentiss joked, letting out a laugh. JJ and Derek laughed along.

Reid chimed in, “It’s actually pretty impossible for someone like Garcia to really do any damage to her ribcage with a hug. The human body can withstand up to four hundred pounds per square inch if it’s gradually increased,” Nobody said a word, just staring at him with questioning looks on our faces, “Taking into account-”

“-Alright pretty boy, that’s enough.” Derek patted Reid’s shoulder, silencing him. We all let out a bit of a laugh, only for Garcia to hurriedly strut past us holding some files. She was in too much of a hurry to notice me just yet.

“Alright lovelies, we got another one.” 

Garcia hurriedly made her way into the conference room. Hotch was visible through the window, greeting Garcia when she made her way in and began setting the files onto the table. Everyone filed into the room, me being the last one to enter. I could see the look of embarrassment on Hotch’s face when he saw me. He dismissively turned his head, looking up to Garcia as she held up the remote. 

“This is Michelle Rynne, she was found on the side of the road last week with,” Garcia took a deep breath, “ _ several _ stab wounds to her body.” 

She clicked the remote, a few images coming up on the television behind her. The majority of the team stared in awe. 

“ _ Several?”  _ JJ spoke in disbelief, eyeing the photos. 

Rossi flipped through one of the files, “M.E. report says there’s over one hundred stab wounds. How much of a sicko does this guy have to be to take that much time?” 

“It looks personal. So- Why are we being called in?” Derek glanced up at Penelope. 

She took another breath, “Well, they thought it was a personal one too until they found the body of Riley Simmerman last night, with the exact same M.O. as Michelle.” Penelope clicked the remote again, another two images showing up. “And- when they looked back in their records, there are seven other bodies found in the woods, creeks, dumpsters… All going back at least two years.” 

“So this guy either kills every two months, or there’s just more bodies we haven’t found yet.” Rossi piped in. 

“Seattle PD are still going over their files, and contacting neighboring police departments.” Garcia turned off the TV, setting the remote down on the table. 

“Wheels up in twenty,” Hotch stated, standing up from his seat, “We’ll brief more on the plane.” 

Hotch made a quick exit, closing the door to his office the second he got inside. It stung to see him so keen on getting out of the room as soon as possible. Despite all of the pain it had caused me to see him leave the first time, it still hurt to watch him leave. He’d always been stern and quiet, but this time it was much worse. He was barely speaking to anyone else on the team, and he was quick to leave whenever I came into the room. I’d seen him get upset with the other members of the team before, but it was usually short-lived and he was back to normal by the next week. However, he’d been giving me the cold shoulder for almost a year. When he finally stopped, it felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders but now that he was suddenly going back to his old ways of brushing me off, I couldn’t ignore it anymore. 

Everyone else began making their way out, except Rossi. I stood from my chair, making my way out of the room, only for Rossi to reach out and grab my wrist. It wasn’t a tight grasp, but it was enough to stop me from leaving. Turning my head, I looked down at him, meeting his eyes.

“Rossi?” I spoke, a confused tone in my voice. 

“Sit down for a minute, kiddo.” He let go of my wrist. 

I reluctantly took a seat in the empty chair beside him, leaning on the table, “What is it?” 

Rossi folded his hands in his lap, leaning back in his chair, “Are you feeling better?” 

I nodded, “Yeah. Doctor cleared me yesterday… Couldn’t wait to get back.” 

“Well, we couldn’t wait to have you back.” He smiled, “How are things with you and Aaron?” 

I flinched, a bit taken back by the question, “There’s nothing between me and Aaron,” My tone of voice shifted as if I was asking a question. It was honestly understandable since I didn’t know the answer to it either. 

“Are you sure about that? He seemed a little too eager to get out of here, and I couldn’t help but notice you two holding hands on the jet.” Rossi smirked, chuckling as he watched my face flush red with embarrassment. I didn’t know that they had seen that. 

“I-” I couldn’t look at Rossi anymore, the humiliation becoming overwhelming, “If I tell you, could you  _ please  _ promise me that you won’t say anything?” 

“You have my word.” Rossi leaned forward, resting his hands on the table. 

Turning back to face him, I lifted my head to meet his eyes again, “Aaron was calling to check up on me every day just like you guys, but then he actually showed up. I-” I took a deep breath, “I was a little surprised, but I didn’t really think too much on it.” 

“So? What happened?”

“We were sitting on the couch just talking about what happened back in Lansing, but then he just-” My breathing hitched, “He kissed me. He kissed me, and then he just panicked, and he left. After that, he stopped calling to check on me, and he hasn’t said a word to me since.” 

Rossi lowered his head for a moment, trying to think the situation over. He then glanced back at me, “Aaron has always been a rather  _ serious  _ person. After Haley, he really closed himself off. So… Maybe having another woman in his life is something he’s afraid of. The bureau already doesn’t like the idea of someone being in a relationship with their superior, but who knows,” He smiled, “Maybe Cruz will let this one slip.” 

I’d only ever met our unit chief once, Mateo Cruz. He seemed quite nice, and from what I’d heard, he was good friends with JJ. 

“Wait, wait-” I raised my hands defensively,  _ “Another woman in his life?  _ Are you saying Hotch-” 

“He likes you, a lot.” Rossi grinned, patting my shoulder, “It’s nothing to do with you. I think he’s just afraid to let himself get attached again. And after everything he’s been through, I wouldn’t blame him.” 

I nodded slowly, taking a few moments to process what Rossi was saying, “Do you really think he does…? He practically  _ ran  _ out of my apartment. It was embarrassing…” 

Rossi shook his head, “It shouldn’t be embarrassing. It’s not like I haven’t sent a woman running out the door.” He chuckled. It was always fun to hear stories of Rossi and his ex-wives. 

If Hotch was scared to open up again, I understood it completely. When I had first left Michael, it took me almost a year to try dating again. When the first two dates didn’t go well, I broke down and closed myself off. It wasn’t until Aaron had kissed me that I felt that sudden spark once again. I was mortified to get close to anyone after Michael. It pained me to even think of getting into another relationship in fear of history repeating itself. 

I pushed against the table, standing up from the chair, “Thank you, Rossi.” I grinned. 

“Anytime, kid.” 

“And-” 

“ _ And  _ you don’t need to worry. Your secret is safe with me.” Rossi stood up as well. We both made our way out of the conference room, Rossi heading to his office, and me to my desk. I grabbed my go-bag and headed off to the Jet. 

_ Maybe I should give Hotch a chance.  _


	3. Opening Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader “Agent Gray”   
> Summary: When the team arrives in Seattle, Hotch and Agent Gray finally discuss what happened. Hotch makes a rather big mistake when Agent Gray is interrogating a suspect.   
> Word Count: 5517  
> Warnings/Tags: Anything in a Criminal Minds episode(Death/Blood/Crime/Violence/etc.) - Fluff - Angst - Kissing - Abuse/Trauma  
> Author’s Note: I’m sorry this took so long- So- I realized that Cruz being the Unit Chief happens in season 9, when Prentiss is no longer on the team. I know that Blake is there, but I don’t like Strauss, and I really like Prentiss. I felt Emily is a much needed character for this. Also- let me know when you spot the Easter-Egg(it’s more meme/vine related then anything but yeah). ;)

Rather than sitting alone in the back of the jet like I always did, I chose to sit with the rest of the team. 

I sat right beside Rossi, listening to Reid list off facts about something none of us understood, Derek cracking jokes about Reid, the rest of us just laughing. Emily did her part in making jokes about me coming out of my shell. It seemed Hotch had taken my place as the recluse, sitting on the far side of the jet in the seat across from where I usually sat. I was thankful that no one had brought up the obvious issue between me and Hotch. 

By the time we arrived in Seattle, the drive to the police station wasn’t too long. Hotch drove with Prentiss and JJ, while I sat in the SUV with Rossi, Reid, and Morgan. It was entertaining to listen to Reid list off  _ many  _ things about the history of Seattle. An officer led us into a room with a few boxes of case files, records, and some blank whiteboards and cork boards. 

Hotch almost immediately barked out dozens of orders. He sent Reid and Morgan to the medical examiner’s office and Prentiss and Rossi to one of the crime scenes, JJ was to stay at the station to handle setting up the boards and such. However, Hotch didn’t realize until the last second that he’d set himself up, leaving only me to go with him to talk with the families. His breath hitched for a moment as he shifted his gaze to me. 

“Gray,” He made his way to the door, “You’re with me.” 

Despite realizing the issue before it had even happened, I still felt rather surprised to hear it. Everyone except JJ filed out of the room, Hotch and I being the last ones out. He got into an SUV, starting it up as I climbed into the passenger seat. I eyed him for a moment, waiting for him to drive off. He rested his hands on the wheel, staring out the windshield in silence, not moving. 

“...Hotch?” I tilted my head, glancing over at him, “Are you alright?” 

He turned his head, meeting my eyes for a moment, “Yes, I’m fine.” Hotch looked away from me, taking a deep breath. He pulled out of the parking lot, making his way down the road. The most recent victim was local, so her parents didn’t live too far away. The drive wasn’t too long. 

“Gray, I know this is your first time speaking to one of the families. Just let me lead it, stay in the back.” 

I turned my head toward Hotch, “What makes you think I don’t know how to speak to them?” 

“Because I’ve never sent you to speak with one of the families.” Hotch’s voice was cold, dismissive, but I swore I could hear a bit of hesitation in his voice, as if he was  _ making _ himself speak that way. 

I tilted my head to look out the window, “I’ve spoken with them in police stations, almost all of the times they showed up. Just because  _ you  _ didn’t see it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.” I hissed at him, balling my hands into fists but keeping them in my lap. Hotch immediately shut his mouth, pulling up to the curb in front of the house. The neighborhood was nice, your cliche ‘white picket fence’ suburban neighborhood. I took a mental note that Riley was a low-risk victim. 

I was the first to get out of the SUV, greeted by the cold, harsh wind blowing down the street. It was lightly raining, pushing me to jog up to the front porch. Hotch followed right behind me, knocking on the door. After hearing the lock click, the door steadily opened, a woman and a man standing there. They were older, roughly in their forties, almost fifties. 

“Miss Simmerman?” I glanced toward the woman, lifting my badge, “I’m Agent Gray, this is Agent Hotchner. We’re with the FBI.” 

The woman stepped back, pulling the door open, “You’re here about Riley?” Her voice cracked. It was clear the both of them had been crying. 

"Yes ma'am. We just have a few questions." 

Hotch stepped into the house and I followed behind him. We made our way into the living room with the couple, the both of them taking a seat on the couch. I sat in a lounge chair beside the couch while Hotch remained standing to the side. The woman folded her hands in her lap, while her husband sat right beside her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders to comfort her. 

"When did you last see Riley?" Hotch asked the first question, as expected. 

"We saw her that morning," The mother spoke up, tears running down her cheeks, "She was upset, she said Kevin was arguing with her again." 

"Is Kevin her boyfriend?" I piped in. 

She nodded, "I wish he wasn't. Riley wouldn't admit it, but we knew. He always hit her, but she didn't want to leave him, swore she could fix him." 

I took a deep breath, lowering my head for a moment. My heart sank hearing what she had gone through. However, I knew I had to keep my composure in front of them. Hotch opened his mouth to speak, but he quickly shut it when I reached my hand out and placed it over the woman's. She tensed, stifling her tears. Her husband didn't make a sound, just holding onto her. 

"Can you tell us his last name? Or where he lives? We're going to need to talk to him." I squeezed her hand. 

"His last name is Brewer. He works down at that auto shop near the mall." She drew in a shaky breath. "Tall, blonde hair, he's got a tattoo on his neck. I think it's a spider? Or maybe some kind of cross?" 

I nodded to her, "Alright. Thank you, ma'am." 

Hotch took it from there. He asked a few other questions, getting more information on Riley. Once he asked the first question, I had already begun tuning it out. It was getting difficult to focus on the conversation  _ and  _ trying to stop myself from breaking down. I took a deep breath, pushing myself out of the chair, pacing over to the front foyer, watching as the rain continued to pour outside. The only thing I could hear was the pounding of my heart, and the raindrops tapping on the window. Guilt welled up within me, my heart straining as I remembered all of the times my sister would bring up the bruises or marks she saw, or when my mother would call me a liar and say it’s makeup. Tears swelled in my eyes, the familiar burn in my eyes and nose as I was on the brink of tears. 

I snapped out of my trance when I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder. Turning my head, I saw Hotch standing behind me. He pulled the door open, ushering me outside. It took everything in me not to begin sobbing and wailing; embarrassment was building inside of me as I realized I couldn’t hide this from a profiler. 

_ I can’t cry in front of him. He already doesn’t like me.  _

Self-doubt filled me, loathing thoughts repeating themselves in my mind. Hotch and I rushed over to the SUV to get out of the rain. He got into the driver’s seat, me in the passenger, as expected. I was quick to turn my head away, gazing out the window. I couldn’t look in his direction, it wouldn’t take much for him to notice. The SUV stayed in place for a moment, I could feel Hotch’s eyes burning a hole right through me. Finally, the car began moving, driving down the road. 

Once again, I found myself spacing out, watching raindrops trail down the window; buildings and trees passing by in the background. I noticeably flinched as I felt my phone beginning to ring and vibrate in my pocket. Digging it out of my pocket, I looked at the screen to see it was Derek. I swiped across the screen, answering the phone and putting it on speaker. 

“Derek?” I answered, waiting for a response. 

“We looked over these bodies, there’s stab wounds from  _ two _ different knives,” He paused for a moment, “What are the chances that a guy going  _ this  _ crazy on someone is going to stop stabbing someone to pick up another knife?” I could practically hear Reid through the phone holding in the urge to say  _ ‘actually’  _ and tell us the real chances of it. 

“So we’re dealing with two unsubs?” I thought for a moment, contemplating the idea of two killers out there. 

“The M.E. says there’s hesitation in about a third of the stab wounds, all of them are from the second knife,” Derek continued. 

“So, it’s a team. Do we think one of them is being forced? We’ve had unsubs who make their kids kill with them,” Hotch added in, inciting me to turn my head toward him. He wasn’t looking at me, he just kept his eyes fixated on the road. 

“Even with the hesitation, the wounds still go really deep and the second unsub would need more strength to do it. It’s unlikely that it  _ is  _ a child. If it is, they’d have to be older otherwise we might be looking at a woman,” Reid explained, “If it’s a woman it would explain the hesitation, since she’d likely have more remorse for these women. Most female offenders target men, and men target women, so for a woman to be killing like this it would make sense that it’s a couple.” 

“And she’s being forced by the man? Like battered wife syndrome or something?” I asked, knowing Reid was more likely than any of us to have the answer. 

“Most likely. If not, she may have some sort of mental disorder, or he has some kind of leverage like blackmail or a child.” Reid answered. 

“Alright. Hotch and I are on our way back to the station, we’ll meet you there,” I hung up. 

Hotch glared over at me for a moment, looking me over a couple of times. Even after I had looked away from him, I could still feel his eyes on me. Eventually, he looked away. 

The drive to the police station wasn't long. We pulled into the parking lot, the SUV pulled into the back end of the lot. 

"Are you alright?" He broke the silence. 

I flinched, turning my head to meet his eyes. Hotch shut off the SUV, leaning back in his seat as he eyed me. 

"I- Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," I pressed my fingers beneath my eyes, doing what I could to avoid crying. 

"I… are you sure?" His voice was low, certainly much softer than it usually was. 

"I'm fine," I repeated myself, almost snapping at him. Throwing the door open, I hurriedly got out of the car and slammed the door behind me. I wanted to tell him, but now wasn’t the right time. If I cried in front of him, or in front of the team, they’d all think I was weak. I heard Hotch call my name as I quickly paced into the police station, but I ignored it and continued to make my way inside. Just as I got inside, Hotch came in not too long after. The rest of the team was already there. 

“You forget to bring an umbrella?” JJ joked, gesturing to me and Hotch’s damp hair. 

“I- Yeah. It started raining during the drive,” I sighed, “The family didn’t know much about where she went, but they mentioned she had a boyfriend.” 

“Then let’s go talk to him,” Rossi walked past me, gesturing for me to follow. I was sure he could see the stress washing over me. He’d always been good at spotting when something was wrong. Without a word, I turned on my heel to follow Rossi outside, Hotch silently eyeing me as we went out the door. Rossi opened up an umbrella this time, as the rain had gotten heavier since we left the Simmerman’s house. 

The drive to the auto shop was a bit further than expected, but it gave Rossi and me plenty of time to talk. 

“So, how did things go between you and Hotch?” 

“It was fine,” I took a deep breath, “just Hotch doubting my ability to question families, as usual.” 

“He’s just never seen you in action before. Give it time.” 

I nodded, slumping back in the seat. I would’ve offered to drive, but the idea of rain combined with the anxiety I already had from earlier didn’t sound too well. Rossi didn’t question me too much. Rossi was always great at knowing when and when not to ask questions. He parked out front of the older auto shop, shutting off the SUV. 

“Riley’s mother said the boyfriend is tall, blonde hair, tattoo on his neck,” I informed Rossi as we both got out of the car, heading towards the garage doors. When we got just a few steps in, I spotted a man fitting that description exactly. 

“Kevin Brewer?” I called out, walking faster. 

As soon as he saw Rossi and me, he tensed up, darting toward the back of the building. Rossi shouted at me to go, to which I began sprinting after him. Rossi got in the SUV, starting it up and getting ready to loop around. I pushed through the back door, chasing him down the alley. 

“Kevin Brewer! Stop- FBI!” I shouted at him. 

He turned a corner, disappearing out of my sight. I grunted, following him around the corner. I pulled my gun from its holster, keeping it fixed in front of me as I carefully made my way down the alleyway. 

When I got to a parked truck, I circled around the back of it, checking for him. I felt a sharp pain in my back as I was suddenly slammed into the wall of the truck. Kevin twisted my arm, causing me to drop my gun. I threw a punch, striking his jaw. It didn't do much as I wasn't very strong. He pulled me forward, slamming me into the truck a few times. I gasped, struggling to try and get away from him. He tossed me onto the ground, climbing over me as his fist met my face and jaw a few times. I heard tires screech in the distance, but everything silenced when he punched me in the neck. I let out a gasp, my body tensing as my still-sore bruises only made the strike much more painful. 

Before I knew it, Rossi was pulling him off of me, wrestling him to the ground. He made quick work of cuffing him, pressing him into the ground. 

"Kid-" Rossi huffed and turned his head to look at me, "-are you alright?" 

I took a deep, heavy breath. Sitting up, I pressed my hand to my throat. I couldn't bring myself to speak, just letting out a strained huff as I nodded. 

×××××

Rossi and I brought Kevin into the station, but it didn't take long for the rest of the team to notice the new bruise forming over the old ones around my neck. It was just a large misshapen circle rather than a ring around my throat. It ached, my breathing a bit raspy, but other than that I was alright. Hotch, on the other hand, couldn't begin to fathom that I was anything remotely close to being alright. He didn't say much, but I could see it in his face. 

They got Kevin into an interrogation room, letting me in to speak with him. I wasn't sure who all was on the other side of the mirror, but I was ready to rip into this guy. He scoffed as he watched me enter the room, watching me take a seat across from him. 

"Why'd you run?" I blatantly asked, not cutting around any corners. 

"Maybe because I like the idea of your fine ass chasing me," He grinned, leaning forward on the table and eyeing every bit of me. 

"We already know you have a record. On top of that, we already know that you beat Riley. Why don't we just cut to the chase," I slid a folder across the table, opening it to reveal photos of Riley's body on the side of the road, "you better say  _ whatever  _ you need to say to get me to believe you didn't do this." 

He tensed up as soon as he saw the photos, but he did his best to keep a straight face. 

"Don't got nothin' to do with that," He leaned back in his chair, folding his arms. 

“Are you sure?” I leaned in, pushing a photo of Riley’s battered face, stab marks visible on her neck and jaw, “That looks like a whole lot of rage.” 

“How ‘bout you mind your own damn business.” 

“How about I don’t?!” I shouted, standing as I slammed my hands on the table. I had never yelled during an interrogation before, but I couldn’t help it with this guy. I’ve met his kind before, the abusers, the arrogant wastes of oxygen that think they need better than what they deserve. 

“I’ve met the sick sons-a-bitches like you,” My voice lowered, although it was just loud enough that I could be heard through the window, “Men like you, who think they can just get what they want because they threw a few punches.” 

He practically shriveled up in his chair, lowering his head. It was as if I had put the fear of God in him with one look. 

“I’ve dealt with one of you sick bastards. He tossed me around every morning like it was as easy as brushing his teeth. Why should I expect any less from you?” 

His hands were ever so slightly trembling, “Look- Look I didn’t have anything to do with this,” His breath hitched, “I- I mean- Yeah, I did get a little rough with her sometimes, but I’d never kill her.” 

He was on the brink of tears. Despite the blood boiling within me and every bit of me wanting to believe it was him, I could tell that he didn’t kill her. If a woman like me could push him to tears, he didn’t have it in him to kill. Nonetheless, he didn’t have a partner with him. 

“Take a longer look at those pictures. You deserve it,” I shoved the rest of the photos in front of him, doing my best to calm myself down as I left the room. When I got out the door, I noticed Rossi, Hotch, Prentiss, and Reid standing on the other side of the window. I made my way past them, going into the office with all of the boards and such. I leaned against the table and lowered my head, drawing in a shaky breath. 

It wasn’t long until Hotch followed me into the room. I was waiting for the rest of the team to come in as well, but I noticed them talking with each other, and other officers through the windows. 

“Agent Gray-” It always felt odd for Hotch to refer to me as  _ Agent  _ Gray, rather than just Gray, “-We need to talk.” 

“What is it?” I turned against the table, leaning back against it, taking a deep breath. 

“When you’re on this team, you represent the entire BAU,” He paused, “and the bureau.” 

“Okay-” I tilted my head, standing up straight, “-Where are you going with this?” 

“I can’t have members of this team lying to get things done. If you were to get caught in a lie like that, all of the trust we have here for this team and the FBI goes to waste.” 

I froze, taking a moment to try and comprehend what he had just said to me.  _ He thinks I’m lying?  _ I felt my body tense, heat rising in my face. 

“You think I’m  _ fucking lying?”  _ I could see it on Hotch’s face. It was at this moment that he knew, he fucked up, “I don’t know what kind of people you’ve had on this team before, but don’t you  _ ever  _ group me in with them. I worked hard to get here and not  _ once  _ did I ever lie about it.” 

“I-” Hotch’s voice was quiet, but I interrupted him. 

_ “Go fuck yourself, Aaron!”  _ I shouted, my voice seething with anger. 

Everyone outside of the windows turned to face the office, only to see me rear my hand back, slapping Aaron across the face. I swore I could hear someone outside wince as they saw Aaron almost lose his footing, turning his head from how hard I had hit him. I’d never been one for violence, but I was reaching my breaking point. Before he could get another word in, I stormed out of the office, shouting to the team without looking at them. 

“I’ll be at the hotel!” 

And with that, I was gone. 

×××××

It had been a long time since I had taken a cab, but I knew it wasn’t smart to drive under a lot of stress. 

The hotel room felt massive compared to what it actually was, but in reality, I just felt so small. Tears ran down my face as I silently sobbed into the pillow. When I finally sat up, I noticed the mascara smeared over the pillowcase. I huffed, wiping my eyes carefully. It pained me to think of what happened. Hotch accusing me of lying, the situation dredging up the memories of my time with Michael. I took a deep breath, holding my head in my hands. 

By now, it was late in the evening. Prentiss had messaged me, saying they caught the team. It turned out to be a man and his wife. He was lying to her, saying that he had their child in captivity when he had actually killed him about a month after the third killing. After we broke the news to her about her son, she told them everything. 

The rest of the team was on their way to the hotel by now, so I took the liberty of getting rooms reserved for them. 

I figured I’d shower while I waited for them to get here. Pushing myself out of bed, I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the shower, pulling the curtain shut. When I began to remove my clothes, I flinched after spotting myself in the mirror. I gasped, eyeing the mirror. The bruises had become much more prominent in the past few hours, the one on my neck heavily overlapping the old ones from our last case; some newer ones forming on my ribs and shoulders from being slammed into the truck and punched, along with a bruise lining my cheekbone. 

I lightly grazed my fingers over the mark on my cheek, realizing how badly I was beaten. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I kept myself quiet. I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath. Turning on my heel, I pulled back the shower curtain, stepping in. 

The shower didn’t take too long. My legs were too sore to stay in the shower that long, both from running and getting my ass handed to me. I stepped out, making quick work of drying myself off. Once I got finished with my hair, I grabbed one of the hotel robes and wrapped myself up in it. Taking a seat on the bed, I switched on my phone and looked over the messages. Rossi messaged me that they would be at the hotel soon, and to pay attention to the door because he ‘had a surprise.’ 

Just as I got finished reading the message, there was a knock at the door. I flinched at the sudden noise. Standing from the bed, I made my way to the door, opening it halfway. Knowing Rossi, I assumed he got me some kind of delivery or room service. Although, when I looked out the door, I was surprised to see Hotch at the door with a brown paper grocery bag in his hands. There was a discernible hand mark across his cheek, the skin red and irritated from when I had slapped him. 

“What do  _ you  _ want?” I hissed at him, not opening the door any further. 

Hotch lowered his head, the strong, stern look he always had on him was melting away, making him appear like a sad puppy. 

“Dave talked to me…” His breath hitched as he quickly regained his composure, “I’m sorry. I- I shouldn’t have said those things to you. It wasn’t my place.” 

“Is that all?” I lifted my head, trying to hold back any emotion. Despite Hotch fixing his posture and such, I could still see that lost look in his eyes. He got a surprised look on his face to hear me dismiss him so quickly. 

“I- No, I wanted to talk to you. May I come in?” He tilted his head to the side, biting his lip for a moment. 

I huffed, “Fine,” I pulled the door open, standing to the side to let him in. He paced inside the room, setting the bag on the table beside the door. After he got in, I closed the door, locking it behind him. 

“About the other day-” He spoke up, “-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just run out of you like that.” 

Hotch stepped forward, his head tilting forward as he looked down to meet my eyes. He hesitantly reached out, his fingers slipping into my hand as he picked it up, holding it firmly. 

“Dave told me what you said, how I made you feel,” His breathing hitched as he gently squeezed my hand, “I had no right to do that to you, no one should. I won’t ask you about what happened, but I will apologize for treating you like it didn’t.” 

I froze in place, staring up at him, right into his eyes. My heart was pounding as I held onto his hand, reluctantly squeezing it in return. Hotch seemed surprised to see me tighten my grip on his hand. 

“I… I’m just not sure what to do. It’s been so long since I let anyone in. Especially after Haley, Beth,” He sighed, placing his other hand over mine and squeezing my hand between them, “I’m a profiler, and I’ve been doing this for years. When you joined the team- I- I couldn’t get a thing off of you. No one else can.”

I heard the voices of the rest of the team in the hallway. They were just having a casual conversation, making their way down the hall to their rooms since I had made sure to get us all booked on the same floor for convenience. 

“The closest anyone got is Rossi, he’s always been good at reading you. He offered to tell me more, but I told him no, that I’d rather you tell me on your own. I want to give you that choice, the choice to tell me about you, or to keep it to yourself. You deserve that, and you certainly deserve better than what I can give you.” 

When Hotch had stopped talking, I didn’t move an inch. Every fiber of my being was terrified of finding out what would happen next. I drew in a shaky breath, my hands trembling in his. 

“When you left- I-” My voice cracked, “Did I do something wrong?” 

Hotch’s face shifted, his brow furrowing, “No, Oh- No, of course not. I’m the one who messed up. I shouldn’t have done that. I- I shouldn’t have kissed you either. I’m not sure if that was something you would have wanted.” 

“Hotch, I wanted it,” A weak smile spread across my face, “I really wanted it. I just wasn’t expecting it… I- I’m guessing from what you heard in interrogation that I haven’t had that good of experience when it comes to relationships.” 

Hotch reluctantly nodded, but he remained silent, letting me speak. 

“I… What does this mean? What do we do here? I don’t think I can handle the silent treatment anymore, and I… I don’t know if I can just move on from this as if nothing happened.” 

“I-” Hotch froze. He looked like he was desperately trying to comprehend what I had just said. “I’m not sure. To be honest, I didn’t think this through,” He gave an anxious laugh, “If you’d be okay with it, I wouldn’t mind spending more time with you.” 

I met his eyes again, mine glazed over with tears. My lips parted as I tried to speak, but nothing came out. 

“If you’re not ready for it, I understand,” For the first time in a long time, I heard  _ anxiety  _ in Hotch’s voice. He’d always been this cold but strong idol for the team, but it was like my presence just switched off whatever shield he had put up. 

“Hotch-” 

“ _ Aaron _ ,” He quietly corrected me. 

“Aaron,” My smile grew, “I wouldn’t mind it either, but-” I felt his hands tense around mine as he heard the ‘but’ leave my mouth, “-we’d have to take it slow. I- I don’t want to say anything to the team. I’ve had enough stress lately, I don’t need Penelope hounding me for all of the details. Rossi is the only one who knows what happened at my apartment, and for now, I’d like to keep it that way.” 

He grinned, “I think I can agree to those terms. Anything else you’d like me to know,  _ Agent?”  _ He teased.

For once, I enjoyed him called me Agent. I reached my hand up, wiping the tears from my eyes as I began speaking once again. 

“Is there any possibility of me getting a repeat of my apartment, but without the suddenly-leaving part..?” My voice grew quiet, faint. It was embarrassing to ask this of him. 

“If that’s what you want,” Hotch got a sly grin on his face as he stared down at me. One of his hands lifted from mine, carefully reaching up to hold the side of my face. I winced as his finger touched the bruise on my cheek, which caused him to flinch and slightly pull his hand away. 

“I’m sorry-” 

“It’s okay, you’re fine,” I reassured him, regaining my smile. He nodded, moving his hand a bit further back so it was more toward the back of my head rather than my cheek. We stood there for a few seconds, just staring at each other until he finally leaned down, his lips crashing into mine. I closed my eyes, standing on my tiptoes. It didn’t take long for him to notice my strained legs trying to keep me up. He leaned back from me and I let out a gasp as if he had pulled the air out of me. 

“You should rest,” He held me in a firm embrace, staring down at me. Hotch then shifted his hands, snatching me off of my feet once again. “You’ll be fine,” He grinned, setting me down on the bed. Once he had let me go, I could see his brow furrow once again as he saw the mascara smeared on the other pillow. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. 

“The jet leaves at seven. Meet everyone in the lobby by six-thirty,” He leaned down, placing a small kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be sure no one sees me leave.” 

I nodded, “Thank you, Hotch,” I grinned. 

_ “Aaron,” _ He grinned once more as he corrected me. 

“Thank you, Aaron,” I let out a short laugh, watching as he slipped out the door, being wary in case anyone else was in the hallway. Once he was gone, I got out of bed, changing into a t-shirt and some leggings. Even though he had laid me in bed, I wasn’t going to sleep in the cheap hotel robe. After I got done changing, I made my way over to the table, peeking in the bag that Aaron was carrying. I could only assume Rossi had something to do with it, and I was correct. It was a to-go container from the expensive Italian restaurant front down the street. I would have expected him to have cooked something for me, but this was much more understandable after the long day we had. 

I smiled, bringing the to-go container to the minifridge in the room, setting it in there so it wouldn’t go bad. I figured since it was already so late, that I’d just eat it on the plane. As soon as I closed the fridge, I climbed into bed, settling for the night. 

I couldn’t help but have a big, giddy grin plastered across my face as I tried to sleep. It wasn’t long before I finally fell asleep. It was the first time I’d fallen asleep without crying in a  _ very  _ long time. 


End file.
